X Factor's Simon Cowell launches new show searching for DJs
Simon Cowell- he won't listen, so why should you?
Simon Cowell- he won't listen, so why should you?
Simon Cowell- he won't listen, so why should you?

With one well-stacked heel flat to the floor Simon Cowell is already driving roughshod all over the Saturday night TV schedule with his ITV1 juggernaut ”“ The X Factor.

12.6 million people tuned in to watch the first episode last Saturday ”“ equalling the highest ever ratings record for an opening episode of the TV ”Ëœtalent show’.

The allure of a new-look judging panel featuring housewives’ favourite Gary Barlow, Tulisa Contostavlos (from N-Dubz, innit) and ex-Destiny’s Child star Kelly Rowland along with show stalwart Louis Walsh was clearly too strong to resist.

Either that or people actually enjoy watching the usual parade of freaks, geeks and wannabes that pop up at the auditions.

You know the type ”“ usually one homemade Jester hat away from the fashion police”¦ one pie from an early grave… the deluded offspring of pushy stage mums”¦ virginal spinsters and the tragically bullied”¦ all encouraged by the smirking judges to launch into their cat-in-a-mangle vocals for our ”Ëœviewing pleasure’.

It’s the acceptable face of the Theatre of Cruelty – the Carnival of the Bizarre. Every nasty Tweet that gets posted”¦ every sniggered aside ”“ it’s the modern equivalent of pelting rotten veg at society’s unfortunates.

There’s no question that most applicants willingly put themselves in the firing line, but does this really mean they are ”Ëœasking for it’ when the public backlash inevitably begins?

I’m still haunted by the memory of 18-stone wannabe Emma Chawner, who in 2007 was told by Cowell that she sang Celine Dion’s ”ËœMy Heart Will Go On’ ”Ëœlike a baby’ while wearing a ”Ëœwedding dress’ handmade by her dad. In typical crass X Factor taste she was hoisted aloft on a sedan chair for the season finale – prompting even Sharon Osborne to cover her face in horror.

Reportedly head judge Gary Barlow is keen to champion more credible singers this season, saying: “’The TV companies are always going to push for the ridiculous acts to get through, but I’m hoping we can resist so many this year.”

With Louis Walsh still clinging onto his seat on the panel I fear he’ll have a tough job on his hands. After all it was the boyband impresario who famously poured Irish twins ”ËœJedward’ into red latex suits for a butt-clenching rendition of Britney Spears’ ”ËœOops I Did It Again’. Enough said.

I’m not saying that only the beautiful and the conventional should apply to The X Factor. Musical history is littered with a parade of outcasts and oddballs ”“ everyone from Michael Jackson to Phil Spector. The difference is that they have the one thing that 99.99 per cent of The X Factor applicants lack ”“ talent”¦ by the bucket-load.

For as long as Simon Cowell and ITV choose to broadcast footage of people without a drop for cheap laughs and valuable ratings figures I will refuse to tune in.

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  1. X-Factor – Exploitation Factor would be a more accurate name; Cowell is the ringmaster at his own Circus of Exploitation

    Cowell in the name of entertainment, when really in the name of money making preys on those who believe that purely being famous is a worthy life goal, and that that elusive fame is available instantly – these people have no concept of a work ethic, due to the modern education system wherein every child is praised no matter how hopeless they are at a particular discipline; fat kid in the 100mts etc – Years of this praise as opposed to 5 minutes of brutal honesty have led them to believe that they are a talented entity – not just a person who can sing, or paint, run or swim etc – these fools believe they can do it all, and that subsequent fame is theres by right.

    Cowell also preys on the vulnerable; those entrants with questionable mental ability, who perhaps have regular contact with care providers, these are arguably not willing entrants as they do not seem to have the ability to fully understand the consequences of stepping out on to that \’X\’ – he allows these people to step onto a world stage (thanks YouTube) and to unwittingly humiliate themselves, to be mocked by an audience of millions all chanting “off, off” not dissimilar to a medieval public hanging.
    I recall my childhood, when a fellow primary school pupil made some sort of social gaff – failing to catch a ball etc the kids would shout “Joey, Joey” – the name was a reference to a severely disabled young lad Joey Deacon (cerebral palsy) who appeared on TV\’s Blue Peter – as kids we didn\’t have the knowledge or understanding to know how to deal with people who were different, so we mocked them – Cowell and his cronies are firstly endorsing this and secondly perpetuating this behaviour.

    Cowell is interested in talent, but is particularly interested in the gain that talent will bring him – he doesn\’t care a jot about the entrants selected, they are just meat for his machine.

    The real talent will be working out how to turn his machine off.

  2. […] a pop mainstream as full of lightweight X Factor fluff contrasting uncomfortably with a world full of dark madness and endless upheavel it\’s a […]

  3. […] at LTW we love X-Factor and have published a number of articles from John Robb, Michelle Corbett, and Alan McGee – well maybe our message is getting […]


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