I really didn’t believe it when I was told. “This is bullshit” I thought when I read the headlines. It had to be just some kind of twisted gag just to sell papers. They can’t ban porn….can they?

According to the Guardian website, taken from an article run on 22/07/2013:

“Every household in Britain connected to the internet will be obliged to declare whether they want to maintain access to online pornography”.

How exactly trying to get the public to shy away from admitting we’re all chronic masturbators is going to result in anything beneficial is beyond me, and I will be proudly ticking the ‘Yes, I am a wanker’ box when that letter comes through the door, but it seems that the main reason that’s been given is to ‘stop rape’. Now, admittedly I’m not a scientist, but it seems to me that if anything banning porn would do the exact opposite of that.

The argument seems to centralise not around a fear of a country going blind from too much tossing off but instead following a similar ethos to that of ‘violent videos games make people go kill other people’ by saying ‘watching hardcore porn will make you wanna go out and rape someone’ which I personally think is one of the most moronic sentiments I’ve ever come across. Because, and all we have to do is substitute ‘video games’ and ‘violence’ with ‘porn’ and ‘rape’, “Consumption of violent video games, movies and television programs is not a significant contributing factor to actual violence… instead genetic predisposition and upbringing largely determine a person’s propensity for violence” (taken from Violent video games do not cause real violence).

So what is the real reason for this ban on porn? Perhaps it’s as innocent as that. Rape happens, and it’s one of the most disgusting and horrible things that could happen to a human being, so it may be simply an issue of Davey C grasping at straws in an attempt to try and curb the amount of rapes that happen in the UK. Unfortunately, if that is the case, the way this whole thing has been advertised makes it sound like Cameron has been dipping into a copy of ‘Mao’s little Red Book’ and lending ideas from totalitarian regimes with a plethora of new internet stalking programs coming into play and even Twitter releasing a new tracker for tweets. Though Twitter says this “has come independently of UK pressure” it seems highly unbelievable that a social media giant would risk alienating its more Libertarian minded users without a hard poke by a sharp stick from the Davey C attack team.

It all sounds like a drastic move that will affect a lot of innocent masturbators without making any real significant change in the country. Sure, you don’t need porn to have a good ol’ jaff (I have an incredible imagination) but it helps a whole lot and with the ever increasing Goliath of Facebook seemingly being filled with pictures of scantily clad girls and guys flexing their muscles the next step will be clicking up a picture of someone on your ‘friends’ list and using that as fuel for the fire, which is a lot more creepy.

What Davey C hasn’t realised is that a lot of people need to knock one out in order to get through the day, or wind down at the end of it. But of course he wouldn’t realise that, he gets in bed with Samantha every night. And she is smokin’.

All words by Ian Critchley. More work on Louder Than War by Ian can be found at his author’s archive.

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