The BBC Hackney Weekend 2012 – live review

This year radio 1’s big weekend got even bigger. I know that as it says so on it’s website. Anyway, we thought it a good idea to send one of our writers over to & here he reports back in a somewhat tongue in cheek fashion.

I’m still in a confused state over this. Do i scream yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! whhooooooo !!!!!! and wave my hands in the air like those people at Radio One keep asking me to. Or do i shout FUCK OFF very loudly and ruin what for a lot of people is possibly one of the best days of their lives? I was told 18 times in 4 hours on day two to to “Make some noise” – the 1st time being whilst still in my bathroom brushing my teeth. I’m not keen making some noise and I feel like i’m being bullied by my over enthusiastic uncle at a wedding who keeps asking me if i’m ok and keeps trying to haul me up onto the dance floor”¦..

But first; Day One of Radio one’s big Hackney weekend. It was terrible.

I wasn’t there, but I’d decided to listen (for the 1st time in decades) to how Radio One would cover this event. I had to listen to the radio in order to obliterate the drone that was coming through the back door from one of the nearby stages (“Dappy” ..me neither….) I lost count of the times I was reminded on the radio that this was a “major event” and how much fun everyone was having but as I puffed up a cushion to listen to Michael Kuwanuka I couldn’t really concentrate because too many people were making too much Fuckin’ noise and those radio one DJ’s who hadn’t previously existed in my world kept repeating stories about how much fun they were having (much more than fun anyone else that was there) and about riding around the site on golf buggy’s as well as how much they were looking forward to seeing Jay-Z, Kasabian and interviewing Jack White who we were reminded more than once was “now on site and no one still knows whether his band will be all male or all female this evening….”

I watched a bit of the Vaccines on my laptop. They were very much like they were every other time i’ve seen them except they have a couple of new songs which sound a bit like the old ones .. I watched that bloke called Chris who everyone loves, isn’t called Evans but can now be seen on “any webcam at any time during the day”, and i watched a few people walk past the web cams in between bands who were unaware that a mile away, a man sat…in his armchair, watching them walk past on his laptop and hoping one of them would be a mate of his, waving, so i could then phone him up on my mobile to tell them that they’d been waving, and i’d seen it.

But that never happened.

So filled with all the pre-meditated excitement that i missed out on 20 years ago by not attending a radio one road show and not seeing what Smiley Miley (ask your dad) looks like, I walked to a festival. And Joined a queue. and another queue. and another (the third one was exciting because it had metal detectors like at the airport and nice little dogs that seemed to get a bit excited when i walked past them) The dog owner asked me if i had any drugs but i said no because he looked like a policeman (his uniform was a dead giveaway) – “you have go get up early to catch me out” i said to no one.

And then it rained.

Plan B is cool. That one where everyone clicks their fingers is ace. After a couple of songs he disappears and returns (“costume change !”) wearing a shabby old t-shirt that makes him look as though he’s about to make a mad rush outta here …he doesn’t ask us to “make some noise” because he’s too cool for that – He gets someone else to do it instead. During the afternoon we see on the big screen Radio one DJ’s being filmed walking around backstage …and up a ramp…until they finally get ONTO THE STAGE, whoop alot and get the girls to scream and the boys to shout Oggie!! Oggie!! Oggie!! ….take note kids. Back in the 70’s and 80’s it was worse than this.

Santigold please me by playing “GO” first and by the time she’s got a dozen young people on stage with her dancing i’ve had enough and do what the lady has asked.
Zane Lowe over on the dance stage is doing stuff on stage that everyone else including myself can only dream of followed by FLUX BLOODY PAVILLION (OHHHHH YESSSS!!!!!!!) who knock out “BASS CANNON” so early in their set that i’m slowly beginning to enjoy myself and keep checking outside wondering if its 4am and not 4pm …The last time I saw Sub Focus it was nearer 4am and they do their very best also to get us excited… it’s at this point i go and stand in front of the web cam near the mixing desk to wave to my friend Bernard. I still havn’t heard back from him yet.

At about half four i get the biggest surprise since i discovered in 1975 that Raymond Burr – him of “a man called Ironside” was not really confined to a wheelchair. JESSIE J HAS LEGS !!! TWO OF THEM!!!! AND SHE DANCES ALOT AS PEOPLE WAVE THEIR HANDS IN THE AIR!!!!!!!!!… actually people have always waved their hands in the air to Jessie J but after what seemed like years (it was 3 months!) playing festivals last year sitting on a throne with one of her legs in traction people can surely be forgiven if they thought ….well i did ….and its an easy mistake to make (innit!)

I wanted to see Savages and be able to say they’re better than Joy Division but every time I go to the BBC Introducing stage I see bands that will probably one day be famous like TINY TEMPAH and DIZZY RASCAL who everyone over on the main stage is getting very excited about.

-Unlike the introducing stage at Reading at Glastonbury I saw no one on this stage who looked any good.

It seems remarkable that there’s a stage called “ In new music we trust” that have a band like Enter Shikari on it who have now released three albums but maybe I’m being too unkind. I am over 40 now and Radio One has scarred me for life thanks to Bates, Davis, Powell, Wright, Smith, Brookes,Bernett,Stewart,Blackburn, Jensen, Reid,Edmonds and Evans ”¦

If this is what 13 year olds are digesting nowadays then it must be better than Bucks fizz, Spice Girls, Smokie, Steps, St Winifred’s School Choir, The Bay City Rollers …and all those PWL bands . No one was miming as far as I could tell and there were no Cameo appearances by the likes of Cannon and Ball. Radio One will always be Radio One and I’m reminded today that things are very much better now than they used to be. I don’t want Radio one to change because it wouldn’t make me and a lot of others go and search for something more fulfilling. As it is with everything nowadays if it’s dissatisfying turgid self promoting bollocks being served up then there’s also an off button.

And it was Free. So no complains. Thank You Radio One.

All words by Keith Goldhanger. More Louder Than War pieces by Keith can be found here. Keith is on twitter as HIDEOUSWHEELINV.

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2 comments on “The BBC Hackney Weekend 2012 – live review”

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  1. Great review, funny and fair. Nice one!

  2. sums up radio1’s ‘style over substance’ approach nicely :)…

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