In this weeks episode from the reality TV show everyone (for a moment there I was going to call them “our heroes”) was trying to sell sparkling English wine. How did they do? Read on….

With a series which has thus far been more of a whine it was fitting that last nights episode was about the wine. English sparkling wine that is.! It never managed to live up to Team Phoenix’s ad campaign however which promised less fizz and more sparkle represented by a shocking advert which had more the aroma of pungent cheese than an English alternative to Champagne. The episode did clear up one issue which has been troubling me for years however; why does Alan Sugar think he is a stand up comic? The answer was delivered in an off the cuff remark by the grizzly one himself when he remarked how he may look a bit like Sid James. Immediately the cheap and lame ”ËœCarry On’ jokes made perfect sense when I realised they were being delivered by his self appointed doppelganger; it doesn’t make them any funnier though!

As I remarked last week this was Tom’s area of expertise and if he failed this task he was definitely on the chopping block. Putting himself up as project manager was also a risky strategy as he had such a narrow escape in the last episode therefore not following the brief closely enough and several cleverly edited shots led us to believe he thought he had failed the task whilst his face had the expression of a man about to face the electric chair and was preparing himself to bid the game show-sorry, process- au revoir or more correctly, with this being a promote England task, cheerio. It was just clever editing however-the producers obviously felt the need to throw in a red herring to keep the audience interested or perhaps to simply resuscitate them from the coma this series is likely to induce-and Team Sterling’s boring campaign to raise awareness of English sparkling wine trounced Team Phoenix’s cheesy advert.

Led by Ricky Martin team Phoenix felt outclassed from the off and perma-irritant Stephen didn’t help matters much by getting up everyone’s noses more than any aromas of fine wine. Coining the inappropriate strap-line featuring the unappetising thought of luxury oozing from every pore he also thought it would be a classy idea to give the product a French name-Grandeur- despite the criteria being it was essentially an English and not French wine. After it was revealed they had lost the task I was convinced he was definitely homeward bound in the back of that ever present waiting taxi.

It was not to be however and foghorn Jenna – who I have always insisted was in possession of a voice which was a sackable offence in its own right – instead took her place in the cab’s back seat and Stephen was given one last chance to balls up which in all probability he will next week in his already appointed role as the next project manager of his team.

Hopefully we will see a little more fizz and sparkle than this series has so far delivered and I am placing my money on Tom, Nick and possibly Gabrielle being the three front runners. Mind you Adam has constantly surprised us through this series and his comments made about various wine aromas – like Xmas cake and whopping great whiffs of boil in the bag shepherds pie- provided some much needed comedy relief and allowed Jilly Goolden to sleep a little more soundly. Also I think the Sid James doppelganger sees something of his younger self in him, though if I were Adam I would be worried about this and arrange for a personality transplant pronto.

Find this weeks episode on the iPlayer.

All words David Marren. More of David’s Apprentice blogs can be read here.

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