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The Apprentice Week 2
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After last weeks explosive opening where, the human irritant and unable to shut up, Bilyana/Balaclava was removed by the SAS – an acronym for slap and stilettos,ÃÂ and a more worthy nameÃÂ than the lame Sterling,ÃÂ for a group of women who are more than willing to take out their opposition both within and outside their own team- the second instalment from the Alan Sugar game-show began with both teams claiming they wereÃÂ the tighter knit group. With thatÃÂ openingÃÂ salvoÃÂ you immediately sense the teams are about to rupture with internalÃÂ divisionsÃÂ imminent, swiftlyÃÂ followed by recriminations,ÃÂ and you would beÃÂ right. This week the contestants were set the task of designing a household gadget and both teams struggled to come up worthÃÂ anything either team could agree unanimously on. Despite this the male team did slightly better than the females who struggled for a solitary ideaÃÂ and even more with any semblance of solidarity.
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So withàthe male team constantly high-fiving and congratulating each other on their absurdly lucky win in the previousàweek’sàepisode, it was clear from the outset that thisàfaux camaraderieàwas teetering on a very dodgy precipice. The ructions startedalmost from the off with a sub-team opposing theàchosen product which was basically a black patent cafetiere which was somehow miraculously able to compress any waste food thus providing a solution to the whole problem of recycling. Recycling is obviously an issue with this team as they are constantly rehashing old ideas and clichés although are yet to attempt toàtry and think ”Ëoutside the box’ as in previous series, usually with disastrous results.
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The only alternative to the coffee compressor was a pair of rubber gloves with scourers and sponges attached. Why they didn’t go the whole way and attach a plungerÃÂ to theÃÂ coffee maker/ÃÂ recyclerÃÂ then claim to haveÃÂ inventedÃÂ the Dalek is unclear but it would have been a better idea than any they put forward. Thinking outside the box is an alien concept in corporate business and independent thought usually actively discouraged therefore the thought of this particularly uptight bunch getting out their boxes never mind thinking outside them is pretty unimaginable though would prove highly amusing.
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AsÃÂ it would transpireÃÂ division in the boys team was not too much of a drawback as they were a up against a group of women- I struggle to call them a team as they bicker, screech and bitch almost incessantly- who are even more inept than they are.This must surely rank as the worstÃÂ grouping ofÃÂ females The Apprentice has yet assembled. Unable to come up with a product better thanÃÂ a piece of plasticÃÂ whose purpose wasÃÂ supposed to preventÃÂ any spillage fromÃÂ children splashing in the bath or a toe cosy to rest your feet whilst bathing, they were on a sure loser from the word go. ÃÂ The end result was a piece of floppyÃÂ PerspexÃÂ which ultimatelyÃÂ could only be described as a bit shit.
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Like the boy’s team, divisions surfacedÃÂ when opposition to the chosen product arose almost instantly. This weeks sacrifice, the neon blue eye shadowedÃÂ Amy Winehousealike, MariaÃÂ made the fatal mistake of falling asleep as the nasal tones of Jenna droned on and on ad nauseam. This woman-Jenna-ÃÂ should come with a mute setting as her adenoidal twang goes beyond annoying into the realms of justifiable homicide. Perhaps if someone removes the clothes peg which seems to be permanently attached to her nose creating that comedy voice her chances may improve-she is an obvious goner within the next fewÃÂ weeks as she isÃÂ simply too irritating-ÃÂ although I did a double take along with the curmudgeon like Sugar when she announced she specialised in the beauty industry. I am not sure whichÃÂ area itÃÂ is she specialises in but obviouslyÃÂ it mustÃÂ be the part specialisingÃÂ on inner and silent beauty.
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The hyenas were in full shriek when they reached the boardroom again this week and eventually project manager Jane took in Maria and, reluctantly, Jenna. Initially her first choice was to take in Katie who is clearly pissing the others off by being too pretty andÃÂ withÃÂ her,ÃÂ very vocal, opposition to the stupid product choice. Eventually Maria got fired but both Jenna andÃÂ Jane hadÃÂ a lucky escape as they both deserved to go as well.
What next week needs is some of the male team in the Board Room as the feeling is they will be every bit as bitchy as the women if not even more so. Also not enough time has been afforded them as yet so it is still difficult to work out who is the most annoying/ obnoxious/ deserving of being humiliated.ÃÂ At the moment onlyÃÂ Ricky,Steve and this weeks project manager Azhar-slated by the whole team as incompetent although in typical delusional fashionÃÂ he refusedÃÂ to accept this-ÃÂ have stood out as being particularly twattish.ÃÂ Bring on week three!
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[…] Three weeks into the \’process\’-we are constantly informed it is not a game-show although it so …and this week\’s task was to enlist two teams of corporate cannibals, who have very little experience in the field, to first create a condiment and then sell it onto either trade or the public; a bit like an upmarket polyester suited Generation Game. The first task for host and quizmaster Alan Sugar was to even the two teams up as the female team, Sterling aka SAS, are operating with depleted ranks after losing the previous two tasks. […]