It seemed to go on for ever.
Like a nightmare vision of the future with James Corden and his merry men let loose on the TV wearing bits of red stuff for charity. and, er, that was it.
It was hours of very rich celebs asking you to cough up charity and loads of people wearing red noses with comedians you had managed to avoid for years suddenly ramming their bloated faces back into your consciousness and making no effort to be funny because, well, it’s for charity.
Yeah, I know it’s all for charity and we should be grateful that the loaded showbiz world are giving up valuable time etc for the needy but there is something about Red Nose Day that is really irritating.
For a start it seems to be an excuse for the worst comedians and the usual millionaires against poverty mob of family entertainers to spend hours of TV time being even worse than usual with endless painful, unfunny sketches where they implore us for our hard earned as they polish their brands in the full glare of the public spotlight.
It’s also an annual excuse to murder a musical classic in the name of charity. This year Simon Cowell boy band One Direction have mugged the Undertones classic Teenage kicks and Blondie’s One Way Or Another in the assault on the number one spot. Murdering two songs all at once, that takes some doing! and once you have drained all the sex, excitement and life out of the two great songs and clogged up the arteries of the mainstream with your turgid cholesterol pop and pumped up your crummy brand you still want us all to clap you for you charitable loveliness.
We we won’t , because you are part of the problem and not the solution. Simon Cowell fiddles whilst Rome burns and the entertainment industries audacious arrogance fiddles even harder whilst Africa starves and the great British public, generous as ever, stick their hands in their pockets and pay millions towards helping then poor.
It seems less like any kind of addressing of the problem of why we have starvation in the world and more like another puffing up of flimsy showbiz careers.
The only winner is the Cowell brand and a load of lame comedians stumbling around TV studios on auto pilot. It’s a truly sorry spectacle. Simon Cowell, singer Jessie J, comedian Peter Kay and boy band One Direction all made appearances dancing on the bones of Africa’s broken homes. It was like the drooling death of everything, like the last days of Rome- a gladiatorial jamboree of feeding egos to the lions and patting their well fed backs for the effort.