Dear Boris Johnson,

It’s time we stopped calling you Boris.

It can no longer be Boris – you know, that charming, blubbering, grinning TV show buffoon that somehow charmed the electorate. You are not the bumbling, loveable, charm merchant of cathode ray myth but a cynical, manipulative piece of work who put his personal ambition before his country – a country that is now split into two politically, generationally, socially and even geographically once Scotland leaves.

These are mean and dangerous times with a complex, fast moving, runaway train which needs good minds and intelligent souls and all we get is you galloping towards us blustering away without a clue about what to do.

Post Brexit the UK has changed for ever. You conducted a very British coup that sees you think you can soft shuffle into power chuckling away like the jolly buffoon and your pampered childhood dreams of being in power. A kindergarten politician with no ideology and no plan. a giant spoiled baby running amok in the corridors of power like it’s all a jolly jape just like back in the days of the Bullingdon Club where you created the role of the mean spirited jester and your future was mapped out like some kind of bizarre James Bond or Batman villain.

Johnson, all this talk about Europe and it’s unelected politicians we kept hearing in the campaign seems oddly prescient now that you are making your move for number ten. We didn’t vote for you either – you are just as unelected as those EU bosses of myth and your blonde ambition has driven this country to the edge of a precipice. There is no way we want you, the con artist, as prime minister. You are a dangerous, deluded, selfish, vain man who has no political bone in his body – just an arrogant obsession with himself and the reigns of power.

Johnson, I know, like your chum, Michael Gove so tellingly said, with a phrase that will haunt him for the rest of his life, that we ‘have had enough of experts’ and that we are in a post political era where ideology is dead, and being a celebrity is more important than being an expert : greed is god and blonde ambition is king – just ask your twin brother Donald Trump.

You have no ideology – just glib phrases, you have no arguments just that sickening guffaw and spitting out ‘project fear’ when criticised. You argue like a spoilt child, like an overgrown five year old child saying ‘I didn’t say that’ when confronted by one of you campaign lies. If your idea of politics is just to say ‘it wasn’t me ‘ when trapped in a debate then we really are in dire straights.

One year you are pro Europe, the next year you are anti Europe – it’s all career opportunities isn’t it? You stand in front of the cameras like some kind of dystopian Orwellian creation full of guffaws and bluster about ‘project fear’ when criticised about campaign slogans about the NHS which are dismissed with that supercilious smirk like they are annoying interruptions to your day.

The new Europe you describe in your post Brexit column in the Daily Telegraph is remarkably similar to the one that you have just campaigned to leave. You have broken up the UK like some kind of jolly pied piper with your hypnotising waffle pouring out of your pipe. You used the whole of the British electorate to further your own ambition and your own career and that’s unforgivable.

More than ever this country needs someone to steady the ship, a sharp political mind to negotiate us through this mess and get get us through article 50 and the complex paperwork stuff that you can never be bothered to deal with. Even the most ardent fans of Brexit must surely want someone more capable than this buffoon to get them through this mess.

Johnson, the moment you realised that this is not a bawdy night out at college but real life and there is no precedent for where we are going is the moment you may wake up from your self centred opportunism.

Playing fast and loose with your country almost amounts to treason you bumbling oaf.

Take a good look at yourself man, You really don’t know what you are doing

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Award winning journalist and boss of Louder Than War. In a 30 year music writing career, John was the first to write about bands such as Stone Roses and Nirvana and has several best selling music books to his name. He constantly tours the world with Goldblade and the Membranes playing gigs or doing spoken word and speaking at music conferences.


  1. Well said John. Before the Boris apologists leap on here I’d just like to add the point that Cameron, whatever you think about the pig-f***er, has completely outmanoeuvred him by leaving him or whoever to action the poison chalice of Article 50. The Tory party will hopefully split into two and, perhaps naively, I hope for a centre left coalition winning a snap general election which at least would negotiate on behalf of the working class rather than vested interests if the result has to be honoured.

    • Yes the fox has been well and truly outfoxed. The alarm bells should have been clanging loud and clear when the Leave Tories sent the letter to Cameron begging him to stay on, it said these ‘Gonks’ do not have a clue what they are going to do if it is a leave. Behold they have it and they a flapping like flags in a gale.

  2. Yes. And as somebody said a couple days ago – “I want my country back”. When I see a Union Jack or a George cross now – on Facebook or Twitter or in someone’s window – I feel the same cold shiver I get when I see a swastika. I see a symbol that denotes a person utterly opposed to everything I believe in. I see the symbol of racism, xenophobia, small-mindedness and bigotry. Johnson and his ilk have hijacked patriotism and replaced it with a naked ambition and greed that we should be very afraid of. Except we’re not. 52% of us fell for his lies and garbage and here he comes, large as life and twice as hideous, to pick up the reins. And he hasn’t got the foggiest clue about anything. Nothing. He is, as you say, a bawling, spoilt infant demanding the sweeties he was promised.

  3. Well said John. A perfectly crafted letter. Presumably the reason Johnson has been quiet over the last few days is that David Cameron has cleverly said “ok Boris, off you go then, make it happen. This is what you wanted. You take responsibility for it” I hope Johnson rues the day he started it and disappears back into obscurity.

  4. Brilliantly put John. Bozza is not the loveable buffoon he likes to portray but a dangerous demagogue who gives succour to racists and the intolerant.

  5. With you all the way, John. I shudder for our future. The fall-out will not be pleasant.
    Curiously, if you put the cover of “Crack House” beside the cover of “Death To Trad Rock” you get a surprisingly prescient observation.

  6. And now another old etonian, Oliver Letwin to head up the article 50 plan. How out of touch with real people can you be?

  7. Never voted Tory and concur with the satire of this journalistic piece. However, ending with the “traitor” is some what ironic. The BREXITeers can be accused of xenophobia but it is the REMAINians that shoulder the traitor label – once punishable by hanging! To hand your democracy over to an external entity, as Scotland did in the Union Act of 1707, should be the last resort of a defeated or bankrupt nation. I say all this as Communist parties around the world supported BREXIT as the EU is the gang-master driving down the price of the working class labour. I know which said Che would have voted!

  8. FFS. What is this long article for? Does anyone here think anything except Johnson a self serving goon of the toff class? Since this morning he’s not even likely to get the fucking job.

    Why even bother to attack Tories here? Amongst your rock addled readers there can only be somewhere around fucking zero support for these bastards.

    The fight is in the Labour Party. Let the Tories keep the Tory party. At this moment we should be focusing on kicking the Tories out of the Labour Party.

    • What a stupid idiotic comment – first check the date when this was written – the author didn’t write it when boris left but when it looked like he was shoe in for the leadership. Your tone of holier than thou middle class leftyism is one of the reasons that Labour is floundering and about to fall apart as a credible opposition and leave the Tory party to rule for decades.

  9. Quiet agree – Boris is a wimp- a true Brutus. But the treachery continues with the arrogant, condacending, untruthful Gove now knifing everyone in the back spurred on by revenge driven Sarah “Vain” – all in the pursuit of unelected power. The outers have no ethics and have really messed up dumping us all to pay the bills – and the bills will surely come.


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