How to survive on the road- Thor from the Swans gives us 20 tips

The Swans have not only made the best album of 2012 but their percussion player Thor also has some great tips on how to survive on the road…

  • Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer.
  • If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. Goddamn.
  • If you fart, claim it.
  • Don’t Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Dont fucking do it. Asshole.
  • Don’t fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.
  • If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.
  • Remember the soundmans name. He will do a better job.
  • Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.
  • Masturbate. Duh! Where & when? Be creative. You’re an artist, right?
  • If you can’t carry your suitcase 3 blocks, it’s too goddamn big.
  • Respect public space in the van. Don’t clutter, you Fuck.
  • If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.
  • Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enough people there, it’s their fault.
  • Driver picks the music.
  • One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.
  • Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.
  • Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.
  • Clean up after yourself. what are you, a goddamn toddler?
  • Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So don’t make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.
  • Fast food is Poison.
  • The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.
  • Dont evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.
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Award winning journalist and boss of Louder Than War. In a 30 year music writing career, John was the first to write about bands such as Stone Roses and Nirvana and has several best selling music books to his name. He constantly tours the world with Goldblade and the Membranes playing gigs or doing spoken word and speaking at music conferences.


  1. Take some exercise…
    It moves massive amounts of rejuvinating blood around the body, and stops you putting on weight!


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