How to successfully bunk a train
Who runs the trains? Another fat cat screwing us for what they can get.
It’s a very British thing – moaning about the trains.
And for good reason.
The best form of transport run purely for profit, cutting corners and over charging and treating passengers like shit.
Southern rail have been hitting the headlines a lot recently for their poor service and overcrowded and expensive trains but it’s not just in the South East media bubble that the trains are like this – round the rest of the country they are even worse – Northern Rail is the worst of the lot but no-one seems to care about their passengers.
The prices are astonishing – lets look at London/Manchester – they have have a 4 hour- yes that’s 4 hour break in the afternoon from 3 till 7 when you cannot get on the train with the so called ‘saver’ ticket- a saver ticket of near 80 quid which is one of the highest in Europe- not content with this criminal piece of robbery they crank the price to nearly 300 quid.
That’s right 300 quid
This piece of daylight robbery used to be for a couple of hours but the fat controller has stretched this to 4 hours now.
The result of this is the famous ‘Euston dash’- the thousands of passengers running across the stationn trying to get a seat on the train knowing full well that whichever seat they sit in will suddenly flash up with reserved ten minutes after they have sat down despite saying notthing when they sit down meaning a desperate search for a lonely unoocupied seat somewhere on the train- unless they go in the endless empty first class carriages.
I’m not even going to mention the wifi you pay for that doesn’t work and costs you even more money when you phone to complain and forgets to send you your refund for their broken service…
Up and down the country the trains get worse and the bosses get richer…
Is this any way to treat people Mr. Fat Controller!
In a semi humour-us article our man strikes back…
How to successfully bunk a train- a list of jokey suggestions on how to get your own back (we don’t suggest you actually try these…)
Having trouble affording your train fare back and forth to work every day? Outraged by the extortion of rush hour tickets? Don’t worry. You’re not the only one. The privatization of so called ’public’ transport has allowed the greasy profit heads to storm in and do as they please. Though we may have to travel on those same tracks every day, we certainly don’t have to pay full whack for the journey. Here’s a few tips on how to successfully bunk a train or at least pay far, far less for the ticket than you are supposed to.
Before The Blag Begins:
There are many variables when it comes to bunking a train, all depending on what station you’re travelling from. The most important detail that we must tackle first is whether or not your home town station has barriers. If it does then you are most likely going to have to start off with what we refer to in the industry as a âËgamble ticket’. The gamble ticket is the cheapest ticket sold at your local station and its sole purpose is to get you through those gates and onto a train. It should always be to a station that the train you’re about to get on doesn’t stop at. Don’t worry about encountering any inspectors with your gamble ticket or getting through any barriers at your final stop ââ oh no – these issues are easily dealt with and will be ironed out shortly.
Tip One: The Confused Foreigner
So you’re on the train without a valid ticket, speeding off to wherever you need to be when the inspector pops up shouting, ‘tickets please. What next? Well my personal favourite is the confused foreigner approach. This is where the gamble ticket truly shines. Simply hold the gamble ticket up to the inspector’s face and pretend that you don’t speak any English at all. The inspector will then do two things. 1. Hopelessly try to inform you that you’re on the wrong train. 2. Frantically attempt to direct you back to the station on your gamble ticket. The true beauty here is that you cannot be fined as you are, of course, only visiting this country for a week and don’t have an address for the fine to be sent. Once the inspector is safely on their way, carry on as you were. If they try to follow it up, which rarely happens, then you just have to act as though this second encounter is even more confusing for you. They will soon give up and walk away, knowing in their heart that there is nothing more that can be done.