Farage Mirage – The Rise And Rise Of Nasty Nigel
‘[UKIP] is full of fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists’ – David Cameron. Ian Critchley doesn’t feel comfortable agreeing with Dave but just this once he’ll force himself.
Once again I find myself completely blown away by the acute skill of Davey C’s speech writers. Never before has there been such a crack team with such a grasp of the King’s language, so much so that they’d be making Shakespeare piss his ridiculous pants if that poor bugger wasn’t already four hundred year old worm food. Though in all honesty I wouldn’t be surprised if this great one liner came straight from the horse’s mouth and, at the risk of ‘siding with the enemy’, I have to agree.
But many people don’t seem to feel this way and are supporting UKIP with the whole of their heart, giving their souls to Mein Fuhrer Farage, allowing the party to sweep up “a quarter of the votes in the council elections” (i, 04/05/2013) and giving credo to the ‘four party political battle’ theory, though the LibDems only really became the third again by morphing the party into a political algae, latching to the Conservatives shark belly and feeding off them to survive.
The ‘one policy’ UKIP seem to be getting success for exactly that, a ‘strong stance on immigration’ has tossed them a plethora of votes from racists both toffee nosed and knuckle dragging. What the knuckle draggers don’t seem to realise is that UKIP give as much of a fuck about them, with Tory-esque stances on work and benefits, as they do about the Polish. The more narrow minded minimum wagers wishing for a white 2013 Xmas would be far better off voting BNP, a party that gives a crap about ‘workers rights’ even if it is only for people who are paler than ‘Pepper Dust’ on the Dulux colour chart.
John Curtis, writing for i (I quote that paper so much because I can actually afford it), gave this little nugget of insight into the situation, ‘As anticipated, given its socially conservative stance on everything from gay marriage to immigration, the party typically did best in places where pensioners are plentiful and university graduates thin on the ground.'(i, 04/05/2013)
This makes it sound like all students are foreign, and huge musical theatre fans, whereas anyone over sixty-five is a racist homophobe. The latter may be true if we look at the outrage from Gordon Brown calling Gillian Duffy a ‘racist old bigot’ back in 2010, causing the fat greasy Scotsman’s political suicide. ‘All she asked was when are you going to sort this country out? someone said to me yesterday. ‘Well, no’ I replied, ‘it was more along the lines of ‘when are you getting rid of all these damn pakis?’But instead of getting a knighthood for being the most honest politician, if only by accident, since US senator George McGovern he was instead strapped with lead weights and thrown head first into the Thames.
What Farage comes across as, essentially, is the booby prize for Tories feeling disconnected from the party since the fresh faced Davey C’s arrival on the scene. Gay marriage is a great example, UKIP seem to be pretty opposed to two men (or women) tying the knot whereas Cameron once said, “I don’t support gay marriage in spite of being a conservative. I support gay marriage because I am a conservative”, even it was only so he could make his relationship with Nick Clegg more legit.
Cameron’s somewhat liberal attitude, or at least in terms of Tory mentality, has caused a lot of Conservative familiars to shift to the hard-right UKIP. And when they become detached from those buggers they’ll go in search of greener pastures and a political party that lies to the right of Genghis Khan.
So the UKIP steam roller ploughs on, but maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. It may very well result in both Labour and Conservative teaming up to topple the Farage regime. Much like Spiderman once joined sides with his arch-nemesis Venom to fight the greater evil of Carnage, Miliband and Cameron may pair to tackle the maniacal lust for power that oozes from the pores of UKIP’s head honcho. I really hope this does happen so that, finally, we might see some actual pragmatism and teamwork in modern politics.
All words by Ian Critchley. More work by Ian Critchley on Louder Than War can be found here.