Eurovision meltdown
Eurovision meltdown

Eurovision meltdown
The annual UK meltdown at the Eurovsion song contest has caused much hand wringing and the wheeling out of the usual myths.

The UK came second to last and there have been calls to withdraw from Eurovision and how it’s a fix and how neighbouring countries all vote for each other…

1. It was Terry Wogan at his most Daily Mail that invented the theory that there was some sort of political fix going on in Eurovision. Great cultural minds like Philip Schofield, the television presenter agreed this year, who writing on Twitter: “It’s time to pull out. Not even Robbie [Williams] could win it for us, it’s too political.”
This is, of course, bollocks.
Neighbouring countries may vote for each other sometimes but that may have more to do with the fact they like the same kind of music and may have never heard of Engelbert or our usual camp rubbish dressed as air stewards.
The Bloc voting myth can be shot down so easily- Norway won a couple of years ago yet came last last night. Was that political or did it have something to do with the quality of the entry? Also, of the past five winners, three weren’t from the Eastern bloc so can we knock that old myth on the head while we’re at it.

2. The UK entry is often genuinely the worst entry- but we still punch well above our weight in Europe in terms of music- do people seriously believe that the Eurovision is a genuine barometer of Euro music? we don’t take Eurovision seriously till we come last. If we did we would send Adele or Take That etc. It’s like the football in a couple of weeks- we don’t know whether to take it seriously or not until it’s too late!

3. Why don’t we use Eurovision as an opportunity to send the best of our young talent out there- not from the post Simon Cowell world of wishy washy karaoke or Louis Walsh style shenanigans. The UK is full of great young bands and musicians inventing styles of music the rest of the world will be influenced by, it matters little if we win but it would give a platform to some young hopefuls- why don’t we send a grime act or a cutting edge indie band or something cutting edge that may not win but cement our reputation for game changing music.

4. It’s not so much that we should withdraw from Eurovision but we should defiantly sack the people who decide what becomes our entry. It’s a real lost opportunity. The yardstick seems to be the sort of music that wins the Voice or X factor but none of those acts are international- they are parochial losers selling records because of the enormous exposure they get in the UK and mean nothing in the big world, many of these acts releases won’t be listened to in the future so why would they win EV.

5. Europe seems to have grown a lot bigger in the last five years, the politically dodgy Azerbaijan is hardly in Europe is it! I’m all for breaking down borders but where does this end? is neighbouring Iran allowed in next year? this would not be a bad thing but they may need to re-title the competition.

6. It’s baffling how popular the whole shindig is. Also the more popular it gets the more hand wringing when we lose. We will never win whilst we treat it as a joke. We have to decide whether we are serious about this or not- it seems like a camp joke till we come last and then the same old myths get trundled out.

7. The whole idea that everyone hates us is rubbish as well, British music is loved across Europe we just don’t send any of the good stuff to Eurovision. Obviously Adele might be a bit busy but why not get Xenomania to write the song? they wrote all the great Sugababes hits and other classic pop hits.

8. Maybe all our proper singers are too busy to enter Eurovision? maybe the International diary is not too full for the Albanian superstars!

9. There’s some hilarious stuff on the internet about how Europe is trying to destroy us- get grip- this is a a jokey song contest that we don’t take seriously. People are not only talking about leaving the contest but also the EU over the whole affair. We sent Engelbert Humperdinck- Sweden sent a proper modern pop star whose song was already a hit in Europe- maybe there are some lessons to be learned.

10. Next year there is talk of sending Cliff Richard- obviously none of the lessons are going to get learned.

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Award winning journalist and boss of Louder Than War. In a 30 year music writing career, John was the first to write about bands such as Stone Roses and Nirvana and has several best selling music books to his name. He constantly tours the world with Goldblade and the Membranes playing gigs or doing spoken word and speaking at music conferences.


  1. What a load of bollocks this whole article is. 2013 Ireland, last place. I’m English but they where much better than most of the other “songs” in my musical opinion. Utter nonsense!


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