Quit ”ËHarper-ing on’ about Charlie, Duh! says
”ËWarlock’ hands clamped round the arms of his chair ”â hell-raiser Charlie Sheen lets rip: “I am on a drug. It’s called ”ËCharlie Sheen’. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
Righhhhhtttt ”â okay, whatever you say dude… “Winning!”Â
Ever since Chuck Lorre, the creator of ”ËTwo and a Half Men’, and its hedonistic star first publicly crossed swords little more than a week ago the media has provided Sheen with a 24/7 sounding board to vent his spleen.
Sheenisms like ”ËWinning’, ”ËTiger Blood’ and ”ËAdonis DNA’ are now part of the social media lexicon and fucked-up quote folklore.
And when he isn’t setting world records for the most number of new Twitter followers (a cool million in 24 hours) Charlie’s extoling the virtues of polygamy or threatening violent retribution on CBS and Warner Brothers.
There are plenty of ”Ëtalking heads’ queuing up to argue that the ”ËWall Street’ star has Bi-Polar Disorder – a condition that is characterised by extreme highs and lows. His grandiose statements – “We are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks”Â – the constant urge to speak and lack of judgment are, we’re told, the hallmarks of a manic episode. It’s a popular theory among ”Ëcelebrity’ armchair psychiatrists – usually accompanied by the get-out-of-jail-free card: ”ËOf course I haven’t met him in person.’
Or is Sheen, who claims to have been ”Ëbanging seven-gram rocks’, simply exhibiting classic signs of a chronic drug user in withdrawal?
More controversially, perhaps Sheen is entitled to be epically pissed off. Maybe we are just a bunch of ”Ëgnarly gnarlingtons’ who cannot ”Ëprocess’ his wild lifestyle.
“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars,”Â he shrugs ”â two ”ËGoddesses’ perched on his lap.
For the past eight years Sheen has played Charlie Harper ”â a boozy bachelor who gets wasted and bangs prostitutes. Guess what? In real life he liked to take the TWO MILLION bucks he earned per episode and get wasted and bang prostitutes. Should Chuck Lorre really be calling him out on that?
Yes, he has five children and a troubling history of being accused of violence towards women. The guy ain’t a Red Cross volunteer or Blue Peter presenter material (well, maybe not).
But don’t we as a society expect our celebrities to behave badly? How was it supposed to end for Sheen – with a Stepford Wife on his arm and a white picket fence?
I’m as guilty as the next person of rubbernecking at the car-crash – just not from Mount Olympus.
If the guy is mentally ill or needs better drug withdrawal support, then hand on heart I hope to God he gets help.
But maybe”Â¦ as the late, great Bill Hicks used to say ”Ëtry to open your mind real wide here’”Â¦ he really does just love porn stars and crack cocaine and isn’t afraid to say it. Maybe we need to get back in our square boxes and just deal with it.