Brit Awards – Ultimate Music Prize Or Corporate Bun Fight?There is one rule in life and that is that any awards ceremony where you have to wear a bow tie should be given a wide bearth- add to this any awards ceremony where they tell the press to mention the sponsor is dead in the water…

Yup, the Brit Awards barges its ugly corporate head back into the music world tonight with a severely edited version of what’s going on in music.

As usual, apart from the Arctic Monkeys, all rock music is removed. Anything remotely alive and non corporate has not been invited and a faintly entertaining parade of pop lackeys represents a pretend notion of modern music. It’s like the Radio One playlist come to life! It even has the same ‘market research killed everything’ feel to it, the same dull, grey ‘polished to death’ idea of music presented by the hapless James Corden.

Pop acts including Bastille, Disclosure and Ellie Goulding are gunning for glory at the Brit Awards, which take place later in London.

Ellie Goulding leads the charge with five nominations, with Bastille and Disclosure close behind with four each.

Dance collective Rudimental have three nods, as have One Direction.

For anyone who likes a bit of music then they have two-time Brit winner David Bowie up for best British male and best album. Arctic Monkeys, up for two awards, will open the ceremony at the O2.

Other acts due to perform include Pharrell Williams, Bruno Mars, up for best international male, and Rudimental.

The death of indie is confirmed by Bastille who are in the brits as token ‘indie’ band- you know that is indie as in watered down guitar music that is like a boy band with instruments version of indie and not the independent of all the corporate scum sort of indie as it originally meant.

On top of this the press and journalists who are reviewing have been told they have to mention the show’s sponsor in all their tweets and reports…it’s like 1984 stomping its corporate jackboot into your face for ever…

Here’s the email that was sent to Telegraph Mandrake columnist Tim Walker:

Hope you’ve had a lovely weekend. As you know we’ve been in touch re. accreditation for the BRIT’s but just wanted to check in with you directly to confirm that you are happy with the below.

Firstly as part of our Priceless Surprise we are putting on cars to take guests directly to the awards – we will be booking your car to take both yourself and Katy from the office at 4:30pm. Are you happy with these details?

In addition – in return for this ticket we would like to ask that you agree to the following…

Social media support from both publication and personal Twitter feed.

Pre event – e.g. Really excited to be heading down to @BRITAwards tonight with @MasterCardUK #PricelessSurprises

Event night – live tweeting from the event including @MasterCardUK handle and #PricelessSurprises and to retweet @MasterCardUK tweets throughout the night where appropriate

Post event – tweet directing followers to @MasterCardUK BRITs YouTube videos

Pre-event coverage of MasterCard’s Priceless Surprise video edits with either Laura Mvula, Kylie Minogue and/or Pharrell Williams – to include full credit for MasterCardUK and #PriclessSurprises

All features to be pushed on publications social feeds – to include @MasterCardUK and #PricelessSurprises

MasterCard inclusion in post event write-up (print and online) including #PriclessSurprises hashtag and URL

Post event write up presence on publication homepage (where possible)

Inclusion of MasterCard branded event night images in post event piece

Post event – coverage support for MasterCard music activity in 2014 (Beyonce & JT)

The email concludes:

We are really looking forward for you to join us at the awards with us on Wednesday and if you could let us know you are happy with all the above that would be great

Please let us know if you have any further questions and look forward to hearing from you.

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  1. Yup, the Shit Awards are upon us once more and what a load of old shit it is (again) this year.
    Hopefully Arctic Monkeys, John Grant and Bowie will roll home with well deserved awards.
    On another optimistic note, at least Prince is making an appearance tonight and hopefully will play something live to show those other fucking dullards how it’s done.


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