Like a big blast of hot air the Brits belches its way across our TV screens every February. It’s all high voltage huff and puff and a self styled major event. This is another world a long way away from the bump and grind of music, this is a world where the Eurythmics are looked on as legends and Ed Sheeran is looked on as being important.
In some ways The Brits are like the Olympics- one of those big shiny mega events that somehow gets millions of viewers and zero interest. It’s the pop equivalent of Brian May playing his guitar on the roof of Buckingham Palace or as cardigan as Question Of Sport.
I mean do you know anyone who talks about the Brits or the Olympics? they are hardly the centre of conversation are they? The only time anyone cares about them when there is an incident’ like the Jarvis Cocker v Michael Jackson moment or a surly quip from a prime time Gallagher or fumbling presenters.
These days we don’t even get that. It’s just another slick conveyer belt of glitzy awards, kinda like X factor but with some talented people breaking up the dullards and with non of the freaky judges breaking up the bland parade.
Some of the nominees are deadly dull, One of them is called James Morrison- not the long dead Doors singer who oozed talent and danger but one of those whiney solo singers whose songs blur into the background on daytime radio- monotone, monochrome semi ballads that constitute mainstream pop music and are introduced with great fake enthusiasm from ape like DJ’s who look on music as a minor inconvenience between their dullard patter.
The Brits are the pinnacle of this world, their faux arrogance and bombastic yelping. Its all smoke bombs, excruciating interviews and pretend enthusiasm.
Of course there some good moments stuck in there to make it feel like a disjointed reflection on 2012, Noel Gallagher and the Vaccines provide some sprightly songs. The genius Kate Bush is nominated in the women’s solo section all regal and out of place surrounded by the pop parade, likewise Anna Calvi in the best breakthrough act or PJ Harvey in the albums of the year, they are all thrown in to make the event look like it has something to do with music instead of being another bland parade.