Dear Nigel,

Well you pulled that one off didn’t you? or did you?

Your fairly smug face has been all over TV in the last few days grinning and gawping like a dragon with tobacco stained breath that reals of ‘pubs and Wormwood scrubs’ as someone once sang in the days when people actually sang about this sort of stuff, savouring its moment of glory. Oh there you go again- standing in a pub! holding a pint! just like you read that ‘normal people’ do- another bar room pundit in another bar with his warm beer and half thought out opinions, except this one got its moment in the sun. There you are gloating over the big victory- but in reality it was  just another right wing party grabbing the anti European vote like the rest of Europe.

Right place at the right time and all that sort of stuff.

Nigel, when you break down the figures it’s pretty impressive that you won but not quite the landslide your pleased with itself face is gurning over. Trouble is no-one really voted did they- this was the election that the coach potato won! a mini per cent of a mini per cent voted for you. The coach half baked potato revolution started by Rusell Brand was the real winner here- a multi millionaire in a LA mansion decrees don’t vote and no one votes (not because of him) and we win Nigella Farrago as our prize!

Nigel -if there is one thing we can celebrate here is that the political and media establishment is running scared and that’s never a bad thing. There is a genuine disconnection out there and you hit a real raw nerve- people are worried but you are the wrong answer to the right questions. The world has moved on and mythical past has moved away.

That card you play of the plucky outsider, you know the one you like to paint of yourself is a bit smudged- you are a lifelong Tory with the usual interests and are about as establishment as you can get – but you are smart enough to get your picture in the pub and pull the beer stained wool over the eyes of the viewer – granted you are not part of the Eton Flashman mob but you are hardly the fabled man in the street are you?

Like I was explaining to someone last week in Manchester who had broken the Manc code and voted for you – just how many people do you know called Nigel Farrage! not many in his local pub I would guess!

This sort of thing does not really matter in the scheme of things – after all its snobbery in reverse…

And this immigration stuff is all a bit tricky as well- where is the line going to get drawn? Does it mean that your German wife Nigel has to go ‘home’, does it mean that all the Premiership footballers have to leave? does it mean all those suntanned Brits living in Spain will have to come back? or all the French and Americans have to leave London at once? it’s not very clear is it- I wish someone would say what the plan is!

Oh and Nigel just what else does UKip actually stand for? most people get the immigration and the anti EU bit but the other stuff you seem to swerve constantly – the NHS is very worrying – you seem keen to flog this to some of your rich chums and then there is the rest of your manifesto which was so Byzantine and crazed that even you disowned it which leaves us with a party with virtually no policies and no heart and no soul winning at an election with no voters – is that a reflection of modern politics?


Did we all lose this election? even you Nige?

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Award winning journalist and boss of Louder Than War. In a 30 year music writing career, John was the first to write about bands such as Stone Roses and Nirvana and has several best selling music books to his name. He constantly tours the world with Goldblade and the Membranes playing gigs or doing spoken word and speaking at music conferences.


  1. Great letter! Nigel Farrage is the establishment through and through- bet he’s a Christian as well- one of those Christians who hate immigrants and don’t seem to have read the bible they like to beat everyone else with.


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