an open letter to Donald Trump
There you go again with your arcane utterings and strange head with its attendant distinctive thatch hanging on for dear life, covering follicley challenged areas like your gonzoid buffoonery covers other types of more intellectual areas. The whole affair is a madhouse on wheels. It’s a sight to see! A real spectacle from this side of the pond.
Donny, you are that modern thing – the playboy politician. The hobby rich man running loose in the preening parade of the national media where a soundbite is hailed as a work of genius. In many ways you resemble our own Boris Johnson. This is politics as jolly japes and speaking off the cuff and, with what the right wing press like to call ‘common sense’. A common sense which has become a byword for being rude. And ignorant. And unpleasant and makes no sense at all.
Donny, with American politics now resembling your favourite sport of wrestling, with slightly bonkers Hulk Hogan type characters crashing into each other like jellied Walruses you were always going to do well in the Republican nominations. When people get pissed off they look for messiahs no matter how messy-iah they are and there was old Trumpo stumbling in through the circus.
We must admit that your parody of a distinctive brand of trumped up (ha!) American ‘values’ presented as a presidential campaign has been one of the great cultural works of this year. A superbly observed pastiche of the cut and thrust of politics as shouting a lot. Genius. The huffing and the puffing and the off the cuff ‘isms seem to have enthralled some of you countrymen though who seem to have mistaken your comedy routine as an actual political campaign.
Easily done of course in these times of post politics. A time when billionaires can make progress by slagging off the rich establishment and everyones believes them!
Donny! you are a great example of the American system- the land of the free-ish, a place where anyone can make it no matter how difficult their circumstances. There you are. the walking talking example of how to make billions when you don’t seem to be that bright. In the endless planes of the USA you can become on the richest people in the world. Like many Americans you grafted your way up from the bottom of the pile. Maybe. That’s one of the things we love about america. There you were with barely a pair of shoes to your name working for your father’s huge real estate company. I guess that counts as working your way up in the crazy, confused dayglo world that we live in. It’s that kind of shop-floor experience that gives a man a humble outlook on life don’t you think Donald?
This ‘send them back stuff’ that you like to bellow at these rallies is not pretty and also a bit weird in a nation that was built on immigration – even your own grandad came to the USA as German immigrant and your mother was Scottish – from the Isle Of Lewis I believe and that’ s maybe why you are called Donald and you have that hint of Celtic ginger to your hair. Maybe you could go back to your own homeland of the Isle Of Lewis? It only seems fair.
As every year goes by America looks more and more like the last days of Rome so it’s perfectly logical that this could be the time to usher in your own own lunatic emperors like Caligula or Nero – men drunk on their own power in charge of a runaway chariot of empire going insane. Men consumed with rudeness and a mean and ugly outlook on life. Even George Bush jnr- another spoiled brat of money America seems far more likeable- the idiot son of a sun of gun who really seemed to want to be a playboy but was given the keys to the biggest superpower in the world like a car on his special birthday. Georgey was no genius to put it generously but seemed like an almost affable if confused good time Charlie blinking in the spotlight of power…whereas Donny you just seem to be a man consumed by the ugly stuff of life, playground putdowns and an unpleasent whiff of arrogance and pomposity.
It doesn’t have to be this way. The world is always fucked up and needs great thinkers. America there are millions of you. You must be able to find someone better. Surely…