1. Mark E. Smith
There’s a touch of the Alex Fergusons about the Fall frontman- that ruddy complexion, that lack of compromise, that disdain for the press, that wilful approach, the high turnover of staff, the same sort of don’t cross me glare in his eyes and the same sort of selling on the stars when they cross him. The perfect fit.
The Happy Mondays dancing bear would be considered a bit of a wildcard but that has never hampered his career so far. This would be worth it for the press conferences alone. Bez is also, surprisingly to some, a very able footballer in his down time.
3. Ian Brown
The only local musician with the same sort of iconic status and a Manchester United fan. Would have the capability of just walking into the stadium and getting an instant reaction and has no fear in his eyes which will be useful for this enormous task of following Fergie.
4. Peter Hook
the bass generalissimo has the sort of direct approach favoured by old school managers, he would also look like a football manager in sheepskin and has that perma-scowled face that would be a continuation from the Ferguson era.
5. Noel Gallagher
This could never happen as the world’s most City fan Noel has a blue bias but he would be the best manager in the world and his press conferences would be works of art as he insulted everybody by barbed words of genius.
6. John Cooper Clarke
By popular request the bard of Salford certainly knows his football- he once told me about how he used to watch Stanley Matthews play. the stick thin Clarke would look perfect on the touchline and would certainly know how to dress for the job- not sure if some of the overseas players would get the cut of his gib and follow his rapid fire instructions delivered as non rhyming limericks…