Glastonbury victims! You managed to hide from U2, but you couldn’t escape the rain. Now your trousers are so soggy that you want to die.
But fear not: those cheery chaps Coldplay are on their way to lighten the mood with an interesting take on overwrought middle class indie.
Here are some little-known facts about the band voted toppermost by UK Mondeo drivers…
1) Chris Martin only agreed to participate in Ricky Gervais’s ‘Extras’ programme because he mistook the funnyman for Elbow singer, Guy Garvey.
2) Coldplay’s Glastonbury rider includes a “polite request for one friendly live cat, non-ginger, for the band to play with before show time”.
3) Before their recording career got off the ground, the first Coldplay line-up gigged under the name The Piss.
4) Chris Martin was so upset by Fran Healy’s lyric, ‘Why Does It Always Rain On Me?’ that he sent the Travis singer a telegram stating: “FRAN. STOP. CHEER UP MUCKER. STOP. CHRIS. STOP.”
5) The original working title for “Fix You” was “Triang Train Set.”
6) Coldplay unsuccessfully lobbied Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis to have all flags removed from in front of their stage during their performance.
7) During an early Top of the Pops performance, the band switched drummers with Shania Twain’s backing band for a bet. Nobody on the TV floor noticed.
8) Chris Martin’s mother, Helen, was the first woman to singlehandedly sail the length of the Amazon.
9) Gwyneth Paltrow is a secret fan of shock-rockers Gwar, and Chris booked the group to play at her 30th birthday party.
10) The song ‘Yellow’ was originally demoed as ‘Orange’, but Chris Martin changed the name when the PAYG provider increased the unit cost for text messages. He has now switched to Vodaphone, where he has a monthly contract with a data bundle.