what if…Margaret Thatcher had died 15 years ago- the funeral guest list in full
In an alternative reality Margaret Thatcher died 15 years ago right in the middle of Britpop. Towards the end of his speech in Parliament, a tearful Prime Minster Blair connected the rise of a homegrown music scene to the Grocers daughter who fought all the odds and rose to the top. ‘So much for Blur v. Oasis’ the music loving PM explained, adding, ‘even Labour v Tories seems dwarfed by the death of my heroine’.
The nation reeled in shock as Ghost Town by the Specials climbed the charts to number 36 because no-one had the time to tell everyone else which record to buy as a riposte to the Daily Mail’s Maggie meltdown and the press full of photo montaged pictures of the former PM altered to look like a saint.
The guest list for the funeral has just been published and its a fascinating list of the great and good and in some parts quite fictional…
General Pinochet … Chilean leader- branded as ‘dictator’ by some lunatics on left
Jim Davidson … ‘nick, nick’ taunting comedian of sorts
Jeremy Clarkson … car loving, pullover in trouser, demi god of middle England
General Suharto … leader of Indonesia, called ‘One of our very best and most valuable friends,” by our beloved ex leader ‘ branded as ‘a dictator’ by some lunatics on the left, etc.
Joan Collins... claiming that people should stop moaning and get a job like she did. Using her talent for taking her pullover off and being naked and er, that’s it. Branded as ‘a dictator’ by some lunatics on the left (are you sure about this? tired and frazzled editor)
Kenny Everett … DJ and, er, branded as comedian by some lunatics
FW de Klerk … branded as ‘dictator’ by some lunatics on left etc.
Lord Jeffrey Archer… future jailbird and ‘charity fundraiser’ also greatest English writer since Shakespeare, or something.
June Whitfield… one of the major British actresses of her generation, starred in Terry and June and er.
Andrew LLoyd Webber.. writer of musicals and funny little man.
Rupert Murdoch … wrecker of civilisation.
Jimmy Savile … the nation’s most loved DJ and close friend of former PM, former miner and no friend of the minors.