HIDEOUS WHEEL INVENTION – Christmas in Joyland 2013

Christmas in Joyland 2013HIDEOUS WHEEL INVENTION – Christmas in Joyland 2013. Louder Than War in “plugging stuff by one of their own writers” shocker. 

Keith Goldhanger (of this parish) is, amongst other things, a remix wizard. And he’s just finished making us all a special track for Xmas (under his pseudonym HIDEOUS WHEEL INVENTION) which he’s giving away for free to everyone who can be arsed to download it.

Which frankly should be all of you.

Coz it’s jolly good.

We know what you’re thinking – “nepotism” is what you’re all thinking. Or “favouritism”. Or something that suggests it’s terribly wrong for us to plug our writers shit on our website.

But here’s the things that make you wrong if you’re objecting…

  • Firstly, it’s chrimbo, time of goodwill to all men-stroke-women folk. And that includes Louder Than War scribes. Doubly so because the scribe in question is one of your favourite writers. We know that because you’ve told us.
  • Secondly, it’s not like anyone’s going to profit from it because it’s being given away to you good people for free! Yikes!
  • Thirdly, it’s not so much plugging Keith as it is plugging one of his favourite bands of the year, Joyland, who Keith introduced us to waaaaaay back in January.
  • And fourthly? Well frankly this writers ‘shit’ (© me a few words ago) is damn good and deserves to soundtrack everyone’s festive activities this Christmas; be they drinking too much, eating too much, laughing at the terrible presents your aunt sends you (how can she get it so wrong every year?) or shouting at the little people who knock into the 128 pint barrel of Timmy Taylors landlord meaning you have to wait 48 hours for the sediment to settle.*

*Or maybe that’s just my xmas as Keith’s email about this suggested he spends Xmas “…sitting with [his] parents watching Noel Edmonds, Top of the Pops and playing snap … and sitting by an open fire drinking wine and igonring the cries from the relatives asking if “everything is alright” …

Soooo, there are two versions you can grab. There’s the shorter “radio edit” version (a reworking of Joyland’s “I Can Electric” song) clocking in at a tight 4:23, and there’s the longer full edit, padded out with snippets from all your favourite classic xmas tunes (and we mean ALL your favourite classic xmas tunes; SLADE, the Snowman, George Michael, Crosby (Bing), Live aid, Morecombe and Wise, Only Fools and Horses … even dirty Den giving Angie her divorce papers on Christmas day 1986) which clocks in at mighty 27:04 mins, perfect to make 100% certain you don’t need to listen to any of the queen’s speech. Or to polish off your turkey / nut roast too. I imagine. Haven’t timed either if I’m honest.

As we all know you love Keith’s writing so much, you’ll no doubt want to hear what he says about his own work:

What’s the point in a three minute Christmas song ? it’ll only get played a couple of times a year and we’ve all got six weeks off work and loads of time available to puff up a cushion, switch off the lights and spend half an hour in the company of Hideous Wheel invention. There’ll be a lot of beer in the fridge, nothing on the telly and you do all need to stop eating for half an hour.

Approach this like one of those James Bond films that you’ll be switching on at sometime over the Christmas period. You know the ones. They start off very exciting and then you’ll either fall asleep half way through or simply lose interest and not know how it ends….

(probably with a lady … In a boat … having a snog).

It’s a bit like a remix.

A bit like a JOYLAND (London based band from N Ireland) remix.

Or to put it simple, a remix.

A long one.

With Christmas bits on it.

Like bells.

Quite a lot of them.

And Paul McCartney.


And Beiber (talking)

Even Rollins makes an appearance

….anyway, there’s loads of other things you’ll recognise.

So I’ll let you get on in a minute, but not before before I mention that some bits have been stolen (you’ll spot those bits quite clearly) – Everything else – usually the noisy bits, the bits that go fffft! fffttttttt! barp! barp !swoooooosh swooosh thud! and the bits with the bass drum and synth sounds… they have been cobbled together,thrown away, restored, reversered and distorted ……all by myself…without anyone else listening (maybe the odd neighbour when it was sunny).

So …if there’s people out there that have the time to go through a whole album by “God speed you, black Emperor”……….if y’know wa’i mean guv’..

Happy Christmas

Cheers !

Keith xx

So, with no further ado let’s get on with embedding them for your listening entertainment. Oh, and be sure and click the “download” and “like” buttons if you, er, “like” them and want to, er, “download” them.


HIDEOUS WHEEL INVENTION – Christmas in Joyland:

As Keith points out:

It’s free
It’s Christmas.
It’s Bonkers.

…and whilst you’re in the mood (are you in the mood?) here’s one from previous years gone by.

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